Hood Rats vs. Hood Chicks: A Side-by-Side Analysis

Sooo…after a long day at work the other day, I decided to entertain some shinanigans on Twitter.  One of the trending topics I chose to be especially ignant on was #HowToSpoilAHoodrat . 

There is a significant percentage of brothas that love hood chicks *author raises hand* but hood chicks should in now way be confused with the run-of-the-mill hoodrat.  In the midst of me jokingly recounting a list of real scenarios i’ve been in whilst romancing various hoodrats and hood chicks…I started to get some negative feedback (from twitter hoodrats, no less) tombout how I was making fun of them with tweets like:

#howtospoilahoodrat surprise her with a pair of “sweet nothings” lace boycuts from Walmart

 #howtospoilahoodrat buy her a pair of them stiletto heals that look like Jordans

  #howtospoilahoodrat *plies voice* po’ kool-aid on her reeeeal slow

#howtospoilahoodrat slide that rat-tail comb up underneath her 27 piece when her scalp itch

#howtospoilahoodrat kiss the sensitive part of her neck from where she burnt herself with the flat irons

#howtospoilahoodrat wash her hair, be sure to scratch the glue off her head from when she take her tracks out

#howtospoilahoodrat rub cocoa butter on her stretch marks before bed

 #howtospoilahoodrat get her all made up then treat her to a photo shoot with dude that be making all the club fliers

Don’t get me wrong…me and MOST of my friends thought this shyt was HIGHlarious (and that was just a sample of my hour long tiraid).  But I noticed that there were some who took offense and began to unfollow me…and hootrat mutiny, if you will. 

So I’m here to set the record straight.  Prove my allegiance to hood chicks, while still continuing to make fun of raggedy hoodrats. 

Here’s what I have:

1. My Stolen Definition (via Shunology)

Hood Chick (n) A woman who’s indigenous to any slumish, minority-prevalent neighborhood characterized by violence, poverty level incomes, candy ladies, d-boys, illegal cable, The Final Call newspaper, substance abuse, violence, and public as…sistance abuse. Her behavior and looks may not reflect her surroundings, and are therefore subjective to the individual, not to be immediately stereotyped.

Example Hood Chicks: Keiysha Cole, Mary J. Blidge, Jill Scott, Michelle Obama, Foxy Brown, Wilma Rudolph, Oprah Winfrey.

Hood Rat (n) A triflin ass bitch from the hood. Normally characterized by their colorful, drastic hair dos, or their vagabond/harlot behavior, these bitches do anything for money, fame, weed, liquor, etc.

Example Hood Rats: Lil Kim, SupaHead, Khia, T-Baby, Trina

2- Style.  Style really is the essence of a woman, and is the one enduring factor that will make her sexy into posterity.  Here’s how the measure up. 

The Hood Chick: her style is usually a mix of evenly priced clothing and a not-so-obvious knock off “designer” purse.  It’s tastefully done, but still kinda hood because she bought the purse from a lady who set up a table at her church picnic.

The Hoodrat: her style is almost always low budget with one moderately expensive accessory, or the complete opposite…a bunch of expensive accessories and an outfit from CitiTrends. 

3.  Theology.  Yes.  Hood Rats love Jesus too…but in their own way. 

Hood Chick Theology: God is a good God, he sent Jesus to make a way for me and mine.  I know I may have started this race out one way, and stumbled along the way…but He is able.

Hood Rat Theology: *Tupac voice* Only God can judge me.

4. Views on Dating: This is slick where shyt gets comical and you can really tell who’s who…because some of them hood chicks’ll fool ya, they really rats.

A Date with a Hood Chick:  She’ll be late, but make sure she has a babysitter.  She’ll wear something tastefull and attractive but be sure to show of either breasts, ass, hips…but never all three (at least tattoo will be shown). Dinner at TGI Fridays (or something comparable: Applebees, Red Lobster, Ponderosa, Ruby Tuesday…) some drinks at a lounge where smoking is allowed, she’ll have moscato and enjoy R&B music until you easily convince her to have a shot of Patron and starts talking too much.  If you play your cards right, you can smash on the first night…but probably won’t because depending on how much you like hood chicks, this might lead to something.

A Date with a Hood Rat:  You gotta pick her up from her homegirl’s house, because that’s who’s watching the kids.  She’ll wear something that highlights her best and worst assets.  For example if she has a donk but bad feet, she’ll wear liquid leggings and open toe shoes.  You can actully avoid buying food all together and go straight to the club.  I recommend a lounge, because some bytches that are “always hating on her” will invariably by at the club that night to eff up your flow, so never EVER let her pick the spot.  She might….might….might, try a glass of wine, or just go for what she knows and start taking back shots of Patron.  Before you know it, she’s re-enacting ol’girls part from the T.I. “whatever you like” video and lip syncing on top of a couch in the lounge as on-lookers gawk in amazement. You could hit that but you won’t because she smells like the what she’s been vomiting out of your car window the whole ride home. 

I could go on for days…but I just wanted to give the fam a heads up.

~el jugo

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14 Responses to “Hood Rats vs. Hood Chicks: A Side-by-Side Analysis”

  1. Hi there, anyway, thanks for the info!

  2. How much is too much tattooing. I used to drive a cab and tourists would comment on how nice people are and how many tats they had. I hadn’t thought about it until then but, Portlander’s do seem to get tats just to have them. I guess more ink = more better. Personally I don’t think should get a tattoo of a turtle just because they went to Cancun on vacation. I think the tat should have more meaning. It is, however, good for business. Anyone have a differing idea. I’d be glad to hear it.

  3. It’s the first time I have heard that in Macedonia, obits are an unusual observe.

  4. […] has hood tendencies and is probably a hood chick. (not to be confused with a Hood Rat. See also: Hood Chicks vs. Hood Rats) She keeps dish soap in the bathroom (why? we have NO CLUE, maybe it loosens the glue in her tracks […]

  5. Alles zu Goethes Iphigenie auf Tauris wie Analyse,Inhaltsangabe und vieles mehr….

    […]Hood Rats vs. Hood Chicks: A Side-by-Side Analysis « The Ninja Parade[…]…

  6. […] who is comfortable in his own skin, regardless of the situation. Situational Versatility is for the Hood Chick (READ: not, Hoodrat) who is dating up but still wants to stay true to her ghetto sensibilities.   You see, just […]

  7. TOO DAMN FUNNY…RIGHT ON!

  8. u are so true….missy c…u know whats up skank belly

  9. went slumming Says:

    Thanks for the information. I always thought I dated a Hood Rat, now I know she was just a Hood Chick. Somehow it makes me feel a bit better.

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