“Friendly Kissing” for Dummies: The 6 Principles

I have a proclivity to kiss random women; this is called “friendly-kissing” and this is my story.

Friendly-kissing is just what I do. In fact, there may be a slight chance that if you’re reading this…you and I have actually friendly-kissed.  I’m not really sure when I started and it really wasn’t until Jobevito gave it a name in Chicago over dinner that I even realized it had a name. I guess I had heard about friendly-kissing before, but never really put much thought into the idea that I am, in fact, a friendly-kisser. I see nothing wrong with sharing a passionate kiss with an old female friend or a new woman you just met.

I’m an exceptionally random person, so it only makes sense that I’m a friendly-kisser: because friendly-kissing is about randomness.  I’ve kissed women in basement parties, at wedding receptions, during New Years Eve parties, after church, at work, while dressed up as Julius Caesar drunk out of my mind, in the back seat of cars, at a Robin Thicke concert, during a couple parades, and dozens of other random places.  I have effectively friendly-kissed in 11 different states and 4 different countries.  Like I said, this is what I do.

Opinions vary slightly on what exactly constitutes a friendly-kiss, but make no mistake…we are all on one accord when it comes to kissing random women that we have no immediate intention of romancing any further than that point.  A lot of people hold kissing to be something very intimate and passionate, a key that unlocks the heart and soul.  I don’t.

Kissing is fun and it feels good.  That’s about it.  I do not think about it too much, so I never run the risk of over-thinking it.  I just do it when the moment calls for it.

Here are the basics for being an entry level Friendly-Kisser:

1- Alcohol is your friend.  Friendly-kissing and alcohol go together like Frankie Beverly and Maze.  Despite popular belief, the best friendly-kisses occur when only ONE of the kissers is drunk of they ass.  [although I’ve shared many a mutual drunken friendly-kisses…and more than a few completely sober]. Music and being able to dance helps this too.

2- Strike First. Women love men who make the first move.  Even though the point of friendly-kissing is not to make her fall in love with you…she’ll respect you more if you’re aggressive.  Grabbing hands, forearms, or the infamous rub across her spine so she toots her ass & chest out at the same time sets you up for the perfect meaningless kiss.

3- Don’t believe the hype.  A lot of women, in an understandable attempt to preserve their image, proclaim to not randomly kiss.  Bullshit.  “there are two things I ain’t never seen befo’…that’s a UFO and a heaux that wouldn’t go”.  In fact, women who speak such nonsense are basically begging to be kissed and have their texts subsequently ignored.

4- The Eyes Have It.  I’ve noticed a lot of chicks avoid direct eye contact.  Not sure why, but they do.  The only time a lot of them will look you square in the eyes is whey they think you’re lying, or they want something.  If a random woman is making eye contact within your 3 foot personal bubble…kiss her. Presume that she wants you because why the hell else is she all up in yo face??

5- Icewater. Yup, you gotta have ice water in your veins (Everybody Ain’t Able). Since the whole premise of friendly-kissing is that you may or may not know these women and you are not “involved” with them aside from riding shotgun in her car, driving her car, lying and saying Phillip Michael Thomas is your birth-father at a bar, drinking Andre Champagne with her, or maybe washing your clothes at her place…it is essential that you don’t get all soft and shit.

(which leads us to the next point)

6- Play your muthafu*kin role! NEWSFLASH: not every woman wants to marry you, or be your girlfriend, or have your kids, or even deal with you for more than 34 minutes a week.  But some women do enjoy occasional flashes of romance in between: work, school, changing diapers, watching reruns of The Game, the club, or whatever else she spends her time doing.  To be a friendly-kisser you have to resolve in your spirit that you may not be more than a cheap thrill for a random woman.  Deal with it.  Kisses can be short or long, wet or dry, tongue or no tongue…but they should always end with you dipping out.

Finally, understand that these are just the basics.  Kinda like the slow classes you had during school.


8 Responses to ““Friendly Kissing” for Dummies: The 6 Principles”

  1. *takes a bow*

  2. kid video Says:

    Brother…i am inspired.

  3. […] ****if you like this blog, you’ll love: Friendly Kissing for Dummies […]

  4. “Bullshit. “there are two things I ain’t never seen befo’…that’s a UFO and a heaux that wouldn’t go”.”

    I heart you for this Project Pat reference! Memphis all day!

  5. Dein Beitrag gefällt mir sehr gut! Weiter so 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: